sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
