How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
