Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
