dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize