This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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