is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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