And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
