While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
