Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im holly from the hills drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
