The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize