my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
