question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
