so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
