The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
