There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
