it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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