she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i dont even know how to be here
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
