At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
