I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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