I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
