all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize