how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
