i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
