I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
