If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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