I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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