I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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