I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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