Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
