So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
