the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
as a side note pls kill me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
