she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
