I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
