I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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