Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
