just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
