Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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