im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she pinky promised me she was 18
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize