I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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