You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
