He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
