It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
