that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
