oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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