Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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