your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
