I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
