Fuck appropriateness.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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