You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
