you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
