If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize