There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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