sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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