Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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