I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
