VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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