this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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