sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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