how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
