Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
