i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
