Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
