Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
