lets start a swedish sibling band together
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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