The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
