Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
