ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
