I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You are the jesus of drinking
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
