Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
