If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
