Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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