you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
