I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
