maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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