sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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