stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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