Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
