I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
