Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
