fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
