i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she told me i tasted like america
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
