You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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