Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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