like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
