I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
