i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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