The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
