peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
