Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
