I think I died a long time ago.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
