if you like me you must not know who I am
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
