whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
