batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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