yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
