yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
