Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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