All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
