He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
do nipples grow back?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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