Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize