Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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