Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
