There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
